I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she looked like the before picture.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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