nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
