I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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