i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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