We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
