I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
