What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
