Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
