Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
