somebody snuck up and got me drunk
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
