You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
