He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
