um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
