I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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