my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
