i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
