my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I will be naked everywhere
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
