I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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