Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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