it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
