So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The Olympian is in my bed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize