woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
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Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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