i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
