Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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