I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
