try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
