You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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