Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
