Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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