I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize