Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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