Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
