youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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