i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
