someone owes me an orgasm
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
