Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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