I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
