i may or may not be watching the land before time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
