Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
