alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
