Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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