had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
