Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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