If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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