I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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