Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
