you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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