That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
