anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
