I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize