The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
