Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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