Christians are straight up FREAKS
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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