we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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