saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
