Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
